People Pleasing 101
People pleasing is one of the most common patterns I see in the women I work with here in Sydney and across the Northern Beaches. And it makes sense, because pleasing people is a learned response.
If your mum was a massive people pleaser, chances are you became one too because you were never taught to put your needs first in a healthy way. In fact, being helpful, being the good girl, actually kept you safe and kept the people around you happy.
So at a young age, your nervous system learned that approval = safety. That disapproval = danger. And so you became very good at keeping everyone else happy so you could feel safe.
But you’re not a child anymore. And that programming is running the show in your adult life, your relationships, your career and your body whether you want it to or not.
What people pleasing actually looks like?
People pleasing isn’t just saying yes when you mean no. It’s far more subtle than that and that’s exactly why so many women don’t recognise it in themselves.
Here are the real signs:
- You apologise constantly, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve been doing it so long you don’t even notice anymore.
- You over-explain your decisions. Cancelling plans? You write a paragraph. Saying no to something? You list five reasons. You feel like your choices need to be justified to everyone around you.
- You change your opinion based on who’s in the room. You have views. Strong ones. But you water them down, soften them, or abandon them entirely when you sense pushback coming or fear rejection.
- You prioritise everyone else’s comfort before your own. If someone is upset, it somehow becomes your fault. If there’s tension, you feel like it’s yours to fix. You become the emotional fixer, the peacekeeper, the one who makes it okay.
- You’re exhausted alllllllll the time. Not just physically, but energetically. Without realising it, you are using so much energy suppressing what you really feel and what you actually want.
Your First Step to Stop People Pleasing
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life today.
But you do need to start paying attention to the pattern. Notice where you say yes when you mean no. Notice the tightness. Notice the calculation. Don’t judge it, just notice it.
Awareness is the beginning of everything.
If you want to change the behaviour, you need to address the subconscious programming underneath it.
This is exactly why I created my Stop People Pleasing & Reclaim Your Power self-paced short course. It will help you understand why you people please, give you practical tools to reprogram your subconscious mind and help you finally put yourself first without feeling guilty.
No more trying to “just say no” or set boundaries that don’t actually stick. Actually change your behaviour and address the root cause of your people pleasing.
Normally $111, but for a limited time only you can get it for just $22.
You’ll receive:
- 12 months access
- Worksheets and activations
- Transformative subconscious reprogramming tools designed to help you stop people pleasing at the root
The women I work with don’t just learn to say no.
They stop abandoning themselves. They stop shape-shifting to make everyone else comfortable. They stop feeling guilty for having needs.
They become women who prioritise their needs, speak their truth and are authentic around everyone. The moment a women takes cares of herself how she’s been taking care of others, is the moment everything changes for her.
That is what’s available to you.
And if you’re ready to go deeper and are wanting a talk therapy alternative, I’m Krystle O’Neil, a Sydney-based Subconscious Therapist working at PH Clinic with women across the Northern Beaches and Australia. I specialise in subconscious healing, nervous system regulation and helping women go from burned-out good girls to fully expressed, wildly confident women.
Book a free discovery call and let’s see what’s possible.
Blog Post written by NLP Practitioner Krystle O’Neill. You can book an appointment with Krystle on Mondays 8am-2pm and Thursdays 2pm-8pm at pH Clinic. You can also learn more about Krystle here.
